Releasing Assumptions to Manifest your Desires

I’ve been on a path to stop making assumptions. They unnecessarily weigh us down, hold us back, build obstacles in our way. Assumptions are easy to make, and have large consequences on our lives.  

Our experiences and emotions guide our perspectives and subsequent decisions.  It’s easy to presume that others have similar backgrounds to direct their choices.  

How are we missing out because we make assumptions? 

What doors have we closed without giving them a chance?

Today I share a vulnerable story, a series of assumptions, which has kept me from a dream for over 20 years.  It's small and inconsequential, and yet breaking the perspective is significant for me.  I offer you a glimpse of the conversations inside my head, which do not match the strong, confident persona I express on the outside.

Synchronicity stepped in and helped me to unravel those assumptions, and I was surprised where it took me! There is a gift in staying open, being clear with yourself, letting go of expectations, and asking ‘Why?’

In early November, I was shopping on Facebook Marketplace, and saw a rowing machine for sale. My husband and I were rowers in college, and I have wonderful memories of those sweaty, exhausting, exhilarating hours of exercise. 

After college, I never rowed again. Other opportunities pulled me in different directions.

I have often dreamed of owning an erg (rowing machine). They provide a well-rounded workout involving cardio and strength training, upper and lower body exercise, and physical and mental stamina. Add to this the promise of reliving my glory days, and I’ve been tempted. What could be better than having this equipment in the comfort of my home?

It’s common to play games in our heads and in our marriages, knowingly or subconsciously. My subconscious game has been to nudge my husband to purchase a rowing machine. I couldn’t find the internal motivation or decisiveness to buy it for myself, so I projected onto him.

Assumption: My husband wants a rowing machine too!

Over the last two decades, every time I mention purchasing an erg, he brings me back to logic and reality: “Where would we put it? There is no space in the house.” Since I assume that he wants one too, I accept his reasoning, and move on with life.  Decades go by.

What if this assumption is not true? What if he is indifferent to this purchase? What if he doesn’t really want an erg for himself? 

This new awareness shifted my internal conversation.  If I want a rowing machine, I can make that decision for me.

Assumption: If I am decisive about getting a rowing machine, my husband will get one for me.

(Yes, I was still on that kick of manifesting through him.)

I announced: “I want one. I don’t care where I put it. We can make room.“

It worked! My husband was supportive and agreed that we could purchase an erg. Woohoo! Success. All I needed to do was state my intentions with clarity!

…And I waited. Nothing happened. (As a side note, I don’t enjoy shopping. I am easily overwhelmed with the many product options and tend toward indecisiveness. I prefer to let someone else take the lead when it comes to purchasing.)

Normally I would leave it there, with nothing happening. But I am learning to dismantle the barriers that I construct in my own way.

Assumption: Maybe I need to be more clear about our roles and my expectations of him.  I could specifically ask him to buy the machine. Then it will happen.

“Honey, my birthday is coming up. Please buy me a rowing machine. It will be an awesome gift and I would appreciate it”.

He surprised me by quickly and adamantly refusing. “I will NOT be buying you a rowing machine. Buy it for yourself.” As a man of few words, he didn’t explain further.

Wait, what? He won’t buy it for me? But why not? I found myself confused. Was he supportive or opposed to the idea? Why wouldn’t he purchase this gift?

And that’s where I typically stop again. I normally assume the worst and become paralyzed by uncertainty and potential opposition. Many times in life I have accepted ‘rejection’ with a tough exterior, while feeling soft and sad on the inside.

Assumption: I have been rejected by someone I care about. He doesn’t support me.

This year, I chose to destroy the narrative. I am confident in our relationship. I am confident in myself. This assumption doesn’t belong in my life or marriage. I can simply ask for clarification.

“I don’t understand. Why won’t you buy me a rowing machine?”

His response floored me with the gift of Empowerment. It was an answer that I couldn’t have guessed in a million years. 

“I will never be accused of buying exercise equipment for my wife’s birthday. If you choose to buy one for yourself, make it a nice one. Buy new.”

I didn’t expect that response. His ‘rejection’ was actually love and support.

Does this mean the only reason I haven’t gotten a rowing machine in the last 20 years is because I didn’t buy one for myself?

Have I been the only person standing in my way for all these years?

Have I been using my husband as a scapegoat and excuse for not living my dream this entire time?

You would think that I immediately went online to purchase a rowing machine…but we humans are complex creatures, wrapped in conditioning and habits.

Now I had to sit with the decision again. Am I worthy of purchasing a rowing machine for myself? Do I want this enough to gift it to MYSELF? How much am I willing to spend on myself?

I found myself bare. naked. vulnerable. There was no one to blame or nudge or ask for approval other than myself. I was faced with my own worthiness. 

It took several days to determine that I was indeed worthy of the purchase and I was empowered to take action on my own behalf.

And here I am, the proud and giddy owner of a Concept 2 Erg. It lives in the middle of the family room, in between the piano, fireplace, couch and TV. It is absolutely glorious in the space that it occupies.

Using the rowing machine is fun and light. I’m not trying to win any awards or injure myself…just using it for enjoyment.

I've taught the kids about proper form, and find myself excited when they use it.

Why did it take me 20 years to decide that I was worthy of this machine? Why was I waiting for my husband to get one for me?  What other things have I missed out on due to assumptions?

Enough with the negative self-talk; let’s move into empowerment, choosing what will bring joy.

Please don’t judge me too harshly for this vulnerable display of passivity. You know me as a decisive change-maker, but I too have a weak and passive side. I am learning to release assumptions, advocate for myself, and stand confidently in my truth.

And I want that for YOU too!

Consider your dreams. Consider your expectations of others to fill your dreams for you. Consider if it’s possible to take action on your own behalf. 

What are you waiting for? 

When will you be ‘enough’ to receive from yourself?

May you be empowered to step forward in your Joy!