Holding Space
In the last few weeks, both clients and spiritual peers have mentioned the importance of holding space. I find myself considering this term.
What does it mean to "Hold Space"?
I've come to realize that this is a significant concept, not just for the spiritual community, but for everyone.
Holding space is all about boundaries.
It's about being engaged and yet non-reactionary.
Holding Space is showing up with compassion and love, without taking responsibility for the situation or the emotions in the room.
Don't take it on:
Consider a friend who is going through a hard time: divorce, loss of a loved one, health challenges, struggles with their children. Holding space is to actively listen and witness as they digest their feelings and determine their next steps.
Holding space is patient. It does not jump in and try to solve the problem. It does not take on the person's grief or join them in despair. It does not force the timing of resolution.
We are each on our own journey. We must experience challenges in life to grow, change, decide who we are, and decide what we want.
Holding space is the act of allowing; it respects the process of others, while being available and present.
Reserve Judgement:
Holding space requires compassion and openness to the many potential paths.
If we live in a black-and-white world with a clear right or wrong, it is not possible to hold space for another. Our judgements and 'shoulds' limit others from choosing their own path.
Several years ago, my son was struggling in an emotionally abusive relationship. Household rules were broken and our connection was disintegrating. I considered authoritarian parenting: severe grounding, blame, and shame. But somehow, despite the heartache and uncertainty, my husband and I managed to hold space. We didn't assume what our son was going through or why he was making 'poor' decisions. We put the future of our relationship first.
We continued to show love and compassion, held our most important boundaries, and consistently created opportunities to connect. When the abusive relationship became rocky and dissolved, it was easier for our son to return to the folds of our family. He didn't have the shame or disconnection that would have prevented healing. Instead we could talk openly and help him to process the difficulty of his struggle.
Holding space puts connection and unconditional love first.
Release Assumptions:
In terms of healing, it's important to hold space for the person's greatest and highest good. We don't assume the outcome; healing looks different for each person. When we hold space, it is to bear witness to the healing journey of another.
You may have spent years learning about the right diet for your gut, brain, and energy levels. You are ready to share the experience and discernment that you developed. When a loved one has a similar ailment, consider holding space.
Be curious as you learn more about their situation. Don't assume that the cause or solution is the same as your scenario. Listen, express compassion, offer perspective, and keep the options open for your loved one to identify the right solution for themselves.
I visualize holding space as a single tree in a field, anchoring the space, grounding, and balancing the energy. Be strong, non-emotional, stable, and engaged.
I visualize holding space as a bubble of protection that allows for change and growth to take place.
Recommendations for Holding Space:
Be an engaged, active listener
Show up from a place of compassion and love
Reserve judgement, shame, and blame
Don't try to fix; don't take responsibility for their experience
Witness their journey without reacting
Stand in your vibration with a calm, clear, positive demeanor
Have faith in the infinite possibilities
Put your relationship first
Sending you the strength to Hold space with your family, friends, and community members.
